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Yes, I am procrastinating.
So Scott and I watched American Horror Story last night, and were unimpressed. But I realized something--the Disintegrating Marriage/Dysfunctional Family Moves Into Haunted House plot is cliched, but there's a reason ... see, if a stable couple with decent communication skills moved into a haunted house, the afterlife becomes much harder for the ghosts.
Indeed, you also have to have a couple who staunchly Do Not Entertain the Idea of Ghosts, for much the same reason.
Here's an example. Okay, so in this show, Betrayed Wife and Horndog Husband (because I don't remember the characters' names) have moved into Spooky Murder-Suicide House (it's also Spooky Triple Homicide House, but they don't know that yet). Betrayed Wife has been approached by Creepy Old Lady Housekeeper who wants to continue taking care of the place for the new owners. Creepy Old Lady Housekeeper is dour, dressed in a knee-length black dress like a slightly more modern maid from Rebecca, and to add to the Creepiness, she's blind in one eye. Still has her red hair, though.
Now, when Horndog Husband comes in and meets her, suddenly she's Hot French Maid Without the Accent. Pouty, voluptuous, and still redheaded, so you know they're the same person. After she leaves, Horndog chides Betrayed about hiring her, but she takes it as being teased about hiring a housekeeper in general, because they don't actually talk to each other--they just randomly aim sentences at each other to kill time until Horndog can put some moves on Betrayed and get rebuffed.
Okay. So here is the conversation that would have happened after the housekeeper left, if Laura and Scott moved into the Spooky Murder-Suicide House:
Scott: Okay, isn't it against your feminist principles to hire someone like that?
Laura: What are you talking about? Have you seen this place? It's like the Winchester Mystery House--I can't clean it by myself.
Scott: That's not my point--my point is, her outfit.
Laura: Oh my god, I know, she looks like she's Amish, right?
Scott: What the hell kind of Amish people have you seen? That chick was wearing a Hot French Maid Halloween costume to ask for a job! And you, my supposedly feminist wife, hired her!
Laura: Dude, she's, like, 150 years old--
Scott: Are you kidding me? 25, tops!
Laura: Hold on. So you're saying she looked like a young, hot, inappropriately dressed woman to you, but I saw a creepy old lady ...
(pause)
Laura: Okay, let me call a lawyer to see if we can get out of the contract to buy this place.
Scott: Yeah, I'll call the realtor and see if that house in the valley is still available.
Indeed, you also have to have a couple who staunchly Do Not Entertain the Idea of Ghosts, for much the same reason.
Here's an example. Okay, so in this show, Betrayed Wife and Horndog Husband (because I don't remember the characters' names) have moved into Spooky Murder-Suicide House (it's also Spooky Triple Homicide House, but they don't know that yet). Betrayed Wife has been approached by Creepy Old Lady Housekeeper who wants to continue taking care of the place for the new owners. Creepy Old Lady Housekeeper is dour, dressed in a knee-length black dress like a slightly more modern maid from Rebecca, and to add to the Creepiness, she's blind in one eye. Still has her red hair, though.
Now, when Horndog Husband comes in and meets her, suddenly she's Hot French Maid Without the Accent. Pouty, voluptuous, and still redheaded, so you know they're the same person. After she leaves, Horndog chides Betrayed about hiring her, but she takes it as being teased about hiring a housekeeper in general, because they don't actually talk to each other--they just randomly aim sentences at each other to kill time until Horndog can put some moves on Betrayed and get rebuffed.
Okay. So here is the conversation that would have happened after the housekeeper left, if Laura and Scott moved into the Spooky Murder-Suicide House:
Scott: Okay, isn't it against your feminist principles to hire someone like that?
Laura: What are you talking about? Have you seen this place? It's like the Winchester Mystery House--I can't clean it by myself.
Scott: That's not my point--my point is, her outfit.
Laura: Oh my god, I know, she looks like she's Amish, right?
Scott: What the hell kind of Amish people have you seen? That chick was wearing a Hot French Maid Halloween costume to ask for a job! And you, my supposedly feminist wife, hired her!
Laura: Dude, she's, like, 150 years old--
Scott: Are you kidding me? 25, tops!
Laura: Hold on. So you're saying she looked like a young, hot, inappropriately dressed woman to you, but I saw a creepy old lady ...
(pause)
Laura: Okay, let me call a lawyer to see if we can get out of the contract to buy this place.
Scott: Yeah, I'll call the realtor and see if that house in the valley is still available.