I Speak With the Tongue of a Thousand White-Hot Lies!

Hearing "F.U.N." from the Spongebob soundtrack today* gave me an epiphany, so ...

Sweeney Todd as performed by the cast of "Spongebob Squarepants":

Sweeney Todd: Plankton
Mrs. Lovet: Spongebob Squarepants
Toby: Patrick Star
Judge Turpin: Mr. Krabs
Joanna: Pearl
Antony: Squidward Tentacles
Beggar Woman: Sandy Cheeks
Beadle: Larry the Lobster

There is a case to be made for Gary as Toby, and Patrick as the Beadle, and Karen the Computer Wife would also make an awesome Beggar Woman.

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*containing my favorite line from the show: "U's for Uranium! ... bombs."

So I was reading my Friends List, and read in dealio's recent post:

I have to make an emergency disk for one of our stations -- an emergency disk is an actual cd of songs and imaging that can be played if the main audio program goes kerflewie -- and a song that came out in high school, the only song that I tried to make an "our song" to cement a relationship came up on the play list. I haven't heard it in ages, my god this is a crap song. No, I'm not going to name the song, I'm *really* not.

So of course I immediately called him and asked him what the song was. He refused to tell me until I offered him a bribe, and I swore I'd never tell the name of the song. (Which I won't. I want to, but I won't.)

He said, really fast and kind of mumbled, "It was [Really Cheesy 80s song That Laura Actually Still Kind of Likes] by [But She Digs Cheesy Songs, So That Doesn't Say Much]."

"Oh my god, that was me! You did that on a mix tape for me in college!"**

"Uh ... no, I did that in high school, and I guess I did it for you in college."***

I was, at this point, laughing like a loon. "I was a repeat! You cad!"****

(Now I'm wondering what of his other college moves were originally used in high school.)



**he was so cool, all, "Just listen to the lyrics."

***he really probably doesn't remember. I have the mix tape around somewhere, so I can prove it to him.

****Okay, I don't think I said "cad." I was laughing a lot, so I'm not sure I remember exactly what I said after the repeat thing. But close enough.

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Oh, and let me take this opportunity to inform the world that on the same mix tape as The Unnamed Song of Shame, Scott included a Sinead O'Connor song and wrote on the liner notes that I was not allowed to tell anyone he had a Sinead O'Connor tape. BUT HE DID.

Sweeney Todd, as performed by the cast of Cars:

Sweeney Todd - Lightning McQueen
Mrs. Lovet - Sally
Judge Turpin - Doc Hudson
The Beadle - Sheriff
Pirelli - Chick Hicks
Toby - Mater
Beggar Woman - Lizzie
Joanna - Flo
Antony - Ramon

Flo and Ramon are a bit old for the parts, but we didn't feel Guido and/or Luigi quite had the range for Joanna.

So we went to see Zombieland this weekend with jkason and David. (Really funny movie, grossest zombies ever.) And we saw a preview for Saw 5768365845 (or whatever). And I whispered to Jason that I wanted to write a Saw movie where he manages to kidnap an escape artist and a guy from special ops.

"So a Saw/MacGyver crossover, then?"

Yes! And MacGyver wakes up, looks around, and says, "I got a tab from a soda can and a stick of gum. Gimme ten seconds."

Then Scott and I finessed it on the way home--you see hands and legs in a slow pan, which then start moving as people wake up, and over this is the Saw Dude monologuing about death and pain and cancer or whatever.

1st reveal: MacGyver. See his line above. "What about you guys?"

2nd reveal: James Bond (Pierce Brosnan or Roger Moore). "I have a laser pen and my watch is a supercomputer."

3rd reveal: Samuel L. Jackson. "I got nothing. But watch this." He begins looking at things, and they melt/explode/break.

Bond and MacGyver: "Aw, come on man, let us do something!"

We considered Jason Bourne, but we figured the Saw Dude would try to capture him, fail, and then Bourne would spend the rest of the movie hunting him down and eventually kill him with a table napkin. (Perhaps that's the B-plot to our other movie.)

I have a constant playlist on the family iPod for those rare moments when the Zweeble falls asleep in the car and I can turn on something other than "We Will Rock You" or "A Peanut Sat on a Railroad Track" ("Gitchee Gitchee Goo" is actually on my playlist, too, just fyi). I re-vamp it every so often, trade off songs, delete others, put stuff on it Scott's downloaded and I haven't heard yet. I did that recently, when we moved to the new computer, and yesterday I was listening to it ...

I have a lot of villains on this playlist. Four or five Sweeney Todd songs, the songs featuring the Rake and the Queen from Hazards of Love, two songs from Dr. Horrible, songs featuring bad guys from The Karate Kid and Star Wars, a couple of "the government is out to get you" songs, a prison song, a couple of "god will get you if you don't shape up" songs, and two songs about mean kids (well, one of them is an REM song that always makes me think of the mean little kids in a Ray Bradbury story, but still).

The rest of it is about 75% amoral and/or mentally ill people, 10% ticked-off people, 5% ill-used people, and 5% happy and well-adjusted people.

I am not sure where my new song about scurvy fits into this, but I think it's probably covered.**

**proof my husband loves me: he bought an entire album of Spongebob songs so that I could have "We've Got Scurvy" by Pink. I didn't even know there was a song about scurvy, let alone one done by Pink.

[Error: unknown template qotd]The World's Largest Shell Factory, of course. (Scroll down, see the sign!)

Resistance is futile. You will see this when you visit us, unless you have already. And even then, we may make you go again. It's like the world's largest ball of string or those funky motels on Route 66--pure kitschy, tacky Americana. But with that Florida twist.

Plus, hello, world's largest!

jkason, have we taken David yet?

(I find it intriguing that I can now shop the Shell Factory online. This raises a host of possibilities for the holidays and housewarmings.)

So Scott is reading Book of Fate by Brad Metzler, and he's telling me about the two pages of what seemed to be pointless Freemason trivia that he skipped.

Scott: So then ... there's these three guys, and they're called The Three--

Laura: Free and Mason?

Scott: "Free and Mason?" Um, they're The Three, who's the third guy?

Laura: (laughing so hard she has to choke it out) Ry?

Scott: I'm just not talking to you anymore.

I'm still giggling. He claims I'm a loon. I say to that: Atic?

I havn't seen Hamlet 2 yet, but I did buy "Rock Me, Sexy Jesus" off iTunes. Because it's silly. And I want to learn all the words so I can serenade jkason at inappropriate intervals.

So it's on in the car, and there's this line about a swimmer's body and I start snorting because, well, Jason swims. And then I have this vision of the cast of Jason's Godspell doing this song, particularly David and ... Stephanie? (The girl who kept doing the dance behind you once it was done, J.)

1. Nearly drive off the road cackling. Because they'd probably have kicked ass doing it!

2. Dude, I'd have *totally* gone into labor over that one.

The Easter Bunny came!!!

And he left the Zweeble ... saltine crackers!!!!

Oh, and some toys, Cheerios and a teething buscuit, because the Easter Bunny felt strongly that there should be *something* edible in the Easter basket.

Oh, and secret note to doggiesushi: SWEAT! SWEAAAT! LET THE RHYTHM TAKE CONTROL! LET THE RHYTHM MOVE YOU!

(Hm. Maybe not that secret. "Jump on your mother, jump jump on your mother, jump!" There we go.)