I Speak With the Tongue of a Thousand White-Hot Lies!

My mother having taken the boyo for the week, we went out to the bar tonight with some friends. I don’t drink, so I was the driver, but nobody got super drunk (which was an improvement on the last time we went out), and we spent a large chunk of the evening in the corner playing Cards Against Humanity (which I’d never played but have been wanting to—I also cleaned the hell up at it because apparently I have a dark and withered soul. Or maybe it’s just that whole GenX bitterness thing). Also the bar was playing the Pixies and the Breeders and a bunch of other bands I know and actually like, so yay there.

Then we went to the bowling alley and played pool, which I absolutely suck at. And the music was godawful and really fucking loud—until they played Biz Markie’s “Just a Friend,” and really, it was 12:30 in the morning at the goddamned bowling alley, of course I sang along with it. So did Scott. Loudly and off-key. It’s, like, the rule for that song. It was fun.

(Later someone set up a bunch of Weird Al songs in a row on the juke box, and my night improved by 50%.)

On the whole, it was fun, but I think K. and I need to set up a coffee date or something (though I don’t really drink coffee, either) so we can actually talk and hear each other.

So, last night's Glee ...

I didn't hate it.

Okay, seriously, there is no way on earth that I could hate an episode that opens with a Blaine voiceover and continues through Darren Criss dressed as a "don't sue us" version of Robin and then on into him wearing a wizard costume. (We all know that I started liking Blaine when he started becoming a weirdo.) Between that and the popcorn during the Skype date, and I think Blaine has completely assimilated into McKinley.*

I also had to come to grips with the fact that I am a dirty old woman, because Kurt in that scarf and boots outfit, Sam in the suit, and Blaine in that coat during the party ... um. (Fans self.)

There was a parallel I found kind of interesting, structure-wise. Remember how, in season 2, the race for Prom Queen was a major subplot, and then in season 3 they wrapped that same plot up in, like, one episode? In season 3, the class president race went on forever, and this season ... done in one. So what's going to be the long, drawn-out plot for this season?

I love the idea of Kurt's horizons expanding (and it's interesting to me, because Rachel is still on the same track as she was in high school, down to the boy drama--I think in some ways, Kurt's moving into the adult world first out of any of the rest of the kids we're currently seeing. I'd love to see him talking to Mercedes, who was supposed to be going out to California and starting a job, too). I like that someone finally pointed out to him that, a. dreams can change and it's okay if they do, and b. he's talented in more than one area. I also loved how he sounded with Sarah Jessica Parker. Make them sing more! Wait, make Blaine, Kurt, and Isabelle sing together!

On that note: more Blaine and Sam as friends! The nice thing about Glee's erratic characterizations/continuity: I really wasn't fond of Sam last season, but I might end up liking him a lot this season. Beyond the time he spends in a suit, that is.

The overall theme I keep seeing is people leaving "home" and negotiating their lives away from the familiar, but also how the people who are left behind negotiate being left. And while I can see why Brittany and Blaine** feel adrift, Will Schuester, you schmuck, you're a teacher. Kids graduate, you moron, and you have to focus on the kids you have right there with you. I feel that Will's character is consistent in that if it makes me think you are the worst teacher ever, that's what he's going to do.

All of that said ... holy cats, there was one decent song out of that entire episode, and it sure wasn't "Celebrity Skin." Who the hell came up with the idea to cover Hole? I had high hopes for "Everybody Wants to Rule the World," but it really didn't work for me. (Oddly, like "Womanizer" last week, I liked it when I heard it online ahead of time, but then in the episode it didn't thrill me at all.)

Also, there were some eye-bleedingly ugly outfits in this episode. Dear god, why did they put Kurt in that weird painted suit? What was Brittany wearing during the debate?

Why the hell do I care about Rachel and her two boys at the same time thing ... for the fifth or sixth time? Can she get a new storyline?

My current theory is that Finn will become the substitute/replacement glee coach (and that'll be hilarious in a number of ways), and then discover some sort of affinity for teaching.






*Now we need to assimilate Marley and Jake so they can stop being a normal CW teen romance show that's been shoehorned into Glee

**So how many of the things that Brittany wants is Blaine going to get?

Well, the usual Glee pattern of enjoyment (with judicious fast-forwarding) followed by total irritation has reasserted itself.

Okay, I'm sorry, but the nimrod who outs the girl in the hallway does not get to dictate how she copes! I find that beyond ridiculous. Not to mention that whole, "I care about you and will now protect you" thing is sort of ignoring the fact that he made the damn mess to begin with. Santana's scene with her grandmother--that was the center of this episode. And I really think it should have been structured more that way. Because while I adore Burt Hummel, and I think the world needs to see that character (just like the world needs to see two teenage boys in love with each other--we need to see the ideal, for a lot of different reasons), we also need to see the other side of coming out, because it's there. But, no, it all seemed super-centered on Finn and Finn being overbearing, but that was okay because that was what Santana needed. Or something. Ugh.

That said, one thing I think Glee does really well is to keep scenes like Santana's outing in the hallway somewhat gray--because, yes, Santana is a bitch. But her being a bitch doesn't excuse Finn's outing her in the middle of the hallway. But Finn outing her in the hallway doesn't magically erase all the bitchy things Santana has done. There's a certain echo here, for me, of the episode where Kurt has decorated the room he'll be sharing with Finn, when Finn goes ballistic and starts spewing slurs, and Burt tells him off for it. Because, as jkason pointed out, Kurt was manipulating a situation because he had a crush on Finn. But, again, that doesn't excuse Finn; however, Finn's reaction* doesn't make Kurt an angel.**

The beauty in both of these things is Chris Colfer and Naya Rivera's performances. Chris Colfer makes Kurt's thoughts and emotions so transparent--they're all there on his face. In that particular scene, what got me was that he looked hurt, guilty, and totally embarrassed--all at the same time. And Naya Rivera's face was amazing during the song in "The Mash-Off," but it was her body language that killed me. She was going on with the show, she was awesome, but she was just that tiny bit off. You could see she was getting lost in her head and coming back out of it.

But anyway, that stuff was not last night's episode. Last night's episode ... well, okay, first there's Finn. Who, really, I tend to fast-forward past, anyway. But then there's Puck. I loved Puck last season! I loved Lauren! And, okay, fine, they're not the thing anymore. But come on, people, if you break up a really neat, funny, not-cliched couple, then you have to replace that couple with something just as neat, funny, and not-cliched! (Let's call it my Oz/Willow/Tara Rule.) Puck and the Teacher is not that something. Again, as jkason pointed out, it was hackneyed when Dawson's Creek did it--I don't care that Puck's always liked older women.***

I was made very happy, however, by Rachel owning up and getting punished in a very real way for being an idiot. Rachel and Finn are both, to me, the least interesting characters on that show, but out of the two of them, I prefer Rachel. I'd like to see her mature a little.

I also really liked the meta of Sue Sylvester's journaling this week. Though the Sue/Cooter (ew)/Bieste storyline was pretty blah. Give Bieste a decent storyline! Give Sue more snark! In addition, all the girls ganging up on the doorknob in the hallway was pure joy--though why Rachel, and not Brittany, was dueting with Santana I don't know.


*Hmmm ... Finn, when backed into a corner, is vicious. Well, that's some character consistency ... though he seemed a lot colder in the Santana scene.

**Kurt has matured a lot since then. Sadly, he's the only one. :)

***Plus, Puck, dude, you want that baby to have a better life than you or Quinn could give her--getting her adoptive mother fired for sleeping with a student? When you're a pool boy? Really? I know you're not a genius, but you're not that stupid.

Between Imagination Movers on the iPod and the TV, and the BBC radio version of Much Ado About Nothing with David Tennant that I downloaded and listened to on the way to pick up the kid, I'm now musing about the Movers/10th Doctor crossover ...

Rich: Wait, I know who you are! You're the Doctor!

Scott: Doctor Who?

Doctor: Just the Doctor. Yes! I have a problem, and I need your help to solve it!

Dave: Okay, what's wrong?

Doctor: It's the TARDIS ... (he leads them outside and opens the TARDIS door.)

(The Movers walk inside, and we have some slapstick as they're all jammed together)

Doctor: ... it's not bigger on the inside anymore.

I imagine the solution has something to do with Dave's hat, which is also bigger on the inside, and Warehouse Mouse and Nina would be the Doctor's companions for a couple of episodes. There'd also be a big old Doctor speech after the "Brainstorming" dance, and a lot of running from room to room of the Idea Warehouse.

Doctor (panting): You have a Dalek?!

Smitty: Yeah, that's the "Genocidal Aliens" room.

I took the Zweeble to the beach today, our little tiny local beach. There were small kids, medium-sized kids, and a group of four or five teenagers, two of whom were boys.

So, as teenage boys will, these two guys start horsing around. The Zweeble, having spent the past twenty minutes filling a bucket with sand and then dumping the sand out, has decided that his work is done and he can now go check out the playground. So he wanders off up the beach, leaving me to grab the shovel and bucket and head after him.

Suddenly I am hit with sand-based shrapnel. In the face, the shoulders, the legs. Teenage Boy A has attacked Teenage Boy B with sand, and I am in the crossfire.

"Thanks," I say to them. "That was great. I appreciate it."

Both boys look at my sand-spattered self, open-mouthed. "Sorry," they both mumble.

Yes, I got a mumbled sorry, not a snotty one!

So you know what this means. Through two years of spit-up, poop, pee, breast feeding, baby food, equipment hauling, the short haircut, the baby weight, the sprained fingers, the bite marks ... I have gathered enough mana to finally cast The Mom Aura enchantment!

Granted, it cost me part of my mana pool, so my Nap Time spell didn't work right and wound up creating A Small Hellion that sucked away life points for something like six turns, but it was cool.

This is what's running through my head ... I start with "The Bare [bear?] Necessities" and end with "Walk on the Wild Side":

... when you look under the rocks and plants,
Valium would have helped that dash,
she said, hey Joe,
the bare necessities of life will come to you.

So, my opinion of Derek freaking Jacobi on Doctor Who ... ( not quite a spoiler, but cut for the purists )

I did always wonder what exactly happened to Captain Jack at the end of season 1.

My love of Derek Jacobi stems from the very first version of Hamlet I saw, back in my senior year of high school. It was a video, of course, and not very recent (the Mel Gibson version came out that year--we got extra credit if we went to see it--and am I dating myself or what?), and I developed quite the crush on the guy playing Hamlet. And, sure, obviously he was a little older than 17-year-old me, but I was also crushing on Kevin Costner that year (shut up), so age didn't bug me.

Of course, then my good friend Shannon found an article on Derek Jacobi that listed his age as 50 (he was 53, actually).** Which, now? Doesn't seem so bad. Back then, it was like I had a thing for my grandfather. I say it was an antidote to my dating a junior that year.

Anyway, I retain my crush on the guy, because dude's talented ... and really, doing something extremely well has always been more attractive to me than just about anything else (sense of humor and a distinctive laugh are the most important qualities).

**Looking up Derek Jacobi's age, I'm finding it much more disturbing that he's my dad's age than I am that he's 69 in general.

So today I watched a lot of soaps while caring for the Zweeble, and I am filled with soap opera love. My reasons are threefold:

1. Days of Our Lives: There are all these old characters back! I can't tell you how many times over the past few years that I've put that show on and not known *anyone* on it except for Marlena. And I am not a Marlena fan. And thank you, writers, for remembering that Tony never liked or wanted to be a DiMera and fixing it. Today they had Judi Evans playing Adrienne again, and can I say how thrilled I was? I will admit to thinking the dialogue is still pretty cheesy, but I was a major Days fan when I was a teenager, so for all I know it's always been this way.

2. As the World Turns: okay, I do like AtWT usually, but it took this weird, creepy, sordid turn a while back that just turned me off. *Why* was Emily a hooker? I don't know. *Why* was Adam a creepy nutjob? I don't know. But now Will and Gwen are having a baby, and Carly is back, and Henry actually has a girlfriend ... and today, Luke was kissing Noah! Or, actually, Noah kissed him first, but still. I can remember when gay characters on soaps came out and then had no story at all. Plus, there's all this good soap-type tension, since Noah's dating Maddie--Luke's friend. Oooohhhh ...

3. Guiding Light: dude, they lost me when Josh got together with Cassie. The hell?! And Harley and Gus have gone totally stupid, and adding Dylan in is just *not* working for me. However. I really like Jeffrey and Reva together! See, I have watched GL on and off since I was five--I kid you not--and when I really started watching it on my own and without my grandmother, Reva wasn't with Josh, she was married to his father. So I have never had any investment whatsoever in Josh and Reva, and I actually tend to prefer her with the other guys she's been with. (I could actually deal with Josh and Cassie together had they not gotten together in such a ridiculous storyline.) This and the fact that Jeffry will have now shagged Cassie, Reva, and Reva's *daughter,* makes me a happy soap girl (really, he and Tammy should have had a fling, just for kicks).

Also, Olivia remains one of the most complex, but clearly defined, characters on TV. She does self-destructive stuff and you always know why.

What I *really* dug today, though, was Ashleigh. Okay, Ashleigh is a character that's been kicking around the show for a couple years now, and they've done really well bringing her up to being a major character. Here's the thing: she's overweight. And not in the television sense of weighing 140 pounds; she is *very* overweight. She's also in love with Coop, who is really pretty hot. Coop has a thing for her, too, but wouldn't admit it. He got back with his old girlfriend, Ava, a skinny, gorgeous girl ... and dumped her today because he likes Ashleigh. So he goes to her to tell her, and she can't quite buy it--not because she thinks "Oh, I'm fat, he can't possibly love me ..." No, it's because she's been dealing with him waffling about his feelings for months, and he's still having a hard time admitting them, and she feels that she deserves a guy who will just tell her he loves her *easily,* because he does. She throws him out because she wants his love on her unequivocal terms, not his reluctant ones. Rock on.

So, yes, loving the soaps today. Now I probably won't watch for another week. :)

I have glasses satisfaction!

Well, kind of, because the insurance requires that the pseudo-Lenscrafters place I went to use their lab, so it will be two weeks before I have them. BUT. I went in at 9, looked around, found what I wanted, then got them ordered and was out of the place by 9:57. The guy who offered me help was nice and chatted to me about the Zweeble, the guy who did the actual work on my order wasn't quite as charming but knew what he was doing and was civil (really all I require), and they had an insanely good selection of frames! Black frames without rhinestones! Life is good!

So I have rectangular, black, art-chick glasses. Which is what I've been wanting for a while--something simple and sturdy, that'll hold up to getting grabbed by the baby, and that I can just use a Sharpie on if they scratch. They had a ton of plastic ones that I tried, but they all looked weird on me. These are metal with a glossy paint. They'll turn into sunglasses, too.

My favorite part was when I tried on a pair of what we would usually call John Lennon glasses--those perfectly round ones?--which always look idiotic on me. I took them off and turned the rack, and found two pairs of "John Lennon" brand glasses. Not perfectly round. Very traditionally shaped, and black plastic. Yes, I did try them on--they looked goofy, too.

In other news ... I'd like to watch the first season of Veronica Mars, but Netflixing a season of TV on my budget membership is tedious as hell, and VM isn't on their "play it now" system. matociquala linked to this site, where I can watch most of the first season if I can stand the subtitles ... but they don't have the first three episodes. Maybe I ought to cough up the extra $3 to increase my Netflix.

Speaking of Netflix, I slept through most of The Warriors last night, starring ... the dude from Xanadu! With a special guest appearance by Mercedes Rheul! We'd heard this was a "cult classic," so we were expecting something akin to the original Wicker Man in terms of quality. I have to say, I think Wicker Man was the better movie-watching experience, though (aside from Christopher Lee's outfit during Wicker Man's final scenes) the costuming was way more fun in The Warriors. Leather vests and no shirts! Fedoras! Full-on 40s baseball uniforms and KISS makeup! Gold lame windbreakers! I now see where the director of "Beat It" got his inspiration.

But there was far, far more to laugh at, puzzle over, and quote in The Wicker Man. So in the Battle of the Godawful Movies, the one starring the Equalizer triumphs over the one with the Dude from Xanadu. Though I really wouldn't suggest renting either of them. Maybe Xanadu. :)

Next up, we're going to re-watch Sin City. Which should be kinda cool, 'cause I've now read all the comics.